Bonnaroo Music Festival: Things You Do Need and Things You Don't Need

Bonnaroo: the name is pointlessly weird - the event is pointedly spectacular.

Bonnaroo is a 4-day music festival that takes place in the middle of a cow pasture in rural Tennessee, in Manchester, a small "town" south of Memphis. I quote "town" because there actually isn't a town at all.

Bonnaroo is totally unique. Between the heat, the crowds and the 'architecture' of the environment, it gets pretty hard to pin down what describes this cultural phenomenon. If I had to put a pseudo-label on it, I'd say it's somewhere between attending Burning Man and going to a normal outdoor concert. Didn't help much? Didn't think it would.

Unless you're a Manchester native, getting to Bonnaroo will probably require that greatest of North American traditions, the Road Trip. In many ways, it's a lot like camping, except not?

So, with that in mind, this Hub will focus on the necessity of certain articles that are worth dragging down with you in your car, across country, or across borders (I'm Canadian!)

I'll also touch on some of the things that you do not need to bring with you. You'll learn that one of the key factors to enjoying your Bonnaroo experience is to not have to worry about excess bullshit that inhibits your pastoral, pedestrian experience in the Bonnaroo grounds.

I can tell you from personal experience that it is really easy to over-pack for Bonnaroo.

The essence of Bonnaroo is to see how little you can depend on and still have a great time; the people who enjoy the event the most are the people who take in as much of their surroundings as they can, not the people who stay near their car or RV, trying to manage all of their excess baggage.

You want to keep a minimalist's footprint at Bonnaroo. If you attempt to fill your experience with too many articles that generally seem 'necessary' in 'normal society,' you'll be missing out on the core experience: 100,000 people, in a cow pasture, listening to music, probably on drugs, eating corn dogs, drinking PBR.

So, here's my list of The Only Things You Need at Bonnaroo. Just to make this abundantly clear, this list is in order of importance. Again, these are the exact things that you need.

1. Pabst Blue Ribbon (beer): Pabst Blue Ribbon (or PBR, as I and many call it) may be the beer of choice for many of North America's hipsters, but since most of the people who go to Bonnaroo are hipsters, then you might as well be drinking their trademark beer so you don't upset any of them.

There's also an extremely practical reason to have PBR instead of other mediocre beers like Budweiser: PBR seems magically more resilient to extreme heat. It's still totally delicious, even after its been in an unattended cooler with no ice pack for three days in the back of your car in 45 degree Celsius heat. Ever had American Budweiser at room temperature in Tennessee? Gross.

2. Houmous: Houmous, or hummus, is a Middle Eastern/Mediterranean form of Food that is probably the most efficient (and delicious!) use of simple, healthy ingredients I have ever seen. Basically, houmous is chickpeas mushed up with tahini (a paste similar to peanut butter that is made with the much healthier Sesame Seed), some garlic and some parsley. It's healthy, filling, full of protein and 'good carbs' and is relatively cheap, too! Keep your hummus close to your PBR - the two make a perfect pairing!

There's lots of different foods like corn dogs and fish tacos that you can buy fairly cheap at vendors throughout the Bonnaroo grounds. So, keep it simple at your 'campsite'! Less to worry about, less to clean up, less garbage, and less for others to steal!

important note: Houmous is available in different flavours such as Spicy and Not Spicy. Purchase different types to make sure your pallet still enjoys some variety!

3. Pita and/or Naan Bread: Pita and/or Naan bread is the perfect accessory for your Houmous. It hits the spot in terms of carbs, which'll will keep you on your feet during those long walks to Centre 'Roo and during stand-ins at numerous performances.

Keep in mind that your PBR is also a great source of carbs, too. However, the alcohol content might keep you off of your feet if you're not careful!

important note: You can earn extra Bonnaroo Points* by removing your Pita and/or Naan Bread from the non-recyclable plastic bag in which you purchased it and putting it in a re-usable container. Nobody at Bonnaroo likes plastic!

4. Pepperoni Sticks: To make sure that you get your necessary daily intake of Sodium and Meat, I recommend Pepperoni Sticks.

In terms of practicality, Pepperoni Sticks are the most practical packaged meat you can bring in to Bonnaroo: They are dehydrated, so they won't go bad, and their stick-like shape makes them great for dipping in your Houmous.

5. A Water Bottle that You Won't Lose: As previously mentioned, nobody at Bonnaroo likes plastic. So, the absolute worst thing you can do is buy or bring bottled water to the event! Use an environmentally-friendly, unique water bottle or canteen that you can instantly distinguish as your own.

important note: You can earn extra Bonnaroo Points* if your water bottle or canteen is a statement of your active lifestyle; Nalgenes bottles, stainless steel canteens attached to you by rock climbing clamps - these kinds of water containment aparati are great for making a bold statement about your totally unique personality!

6. A Back-Pack with the Following Things in it:

• SUNSCREEN
• Three pairs of underpants (five if you're a girl)
• A pair of jeans and a pair of shorts
• Two shirts: one for the road trips and the other for the time you spend at Bonnaroo. Must be either ironic graphic Ts, plaid collar shirts, or some combination of both.
• A cowboy hat
• Sunglasses (preferably not Wayfarers)
• A pair of shoes for the car and a pair of sandals for the event
• A toothbrush
• Toothpaste
• Hand sanitizer
• Deodorant
• A towel

7. Stuff you can Sleep in: Unless you want to get microwaved at 8:00am when the sun rises, sleeping in your car is unacceptable. You'll need a tent, with some kind of foam mattress (nothing fancy) and some kind of blanket and pillow combination. Ideally, keep these things as small and not-thermal as possible. The heat wave you experience inside your tent in the early morning does not need to be compounded by insulated sleeping bags and so on. My suggestion? A Small, old couch pillow and one of those blankets that you snuggle with on your couch.

Keep it Small and Simple. Ideally, all of these things combined should take up more room than one 2-4 of PBR in your car.

8. A Nylon Canopy: There is absolutely no shade from the sun in Bonnaroo's campgrounds. If you get a spot with a tree, you are not the 99%, so to speak. Nylon Canopies are four-cornered, open tent-like structures that compensate for the severe lack of foliage canopy that afflicts many a Bonnaroo-er.

Nylon Canopies are the perfect shade solution to keeping you out of Sunstroke's reach during the heat of the morning while you're slamming back PBR and om-nomming Houmous before going to Centre 'Roo to see the day's awesome line-up of musical attractions.

9. NOT MANDATORY! A Camcorder: You don't need a lot of technology at Bonnaroo. Phones, iPads, laptops - that shit is useless at Bonnaroo. However, having an easily-accessible digital camcorder to document brief highlights of your Bonnaroo experience is a luxury that you may appreciate down the road!

*Bonnaroo Points are not a real thing.

This list is a fairly straight forward example of articles that you will find are completely useless for your Bonnaroo experience. You can elect to ignore my advice here - and find out for yourself - or you can take heed while you have the opportunity and maximize your Bonnaroo experience!

1. Socks: It's at least 45 degrees Celsius every single day in Tennessee and it's almost always sunny and dry. There is no reason to wear socks in this climate!

2. Shampoo: Since you won't bother waiting in the 3 hour line-ups for the $5 showers, you probably won't need shampoo. Being 4-days dirty is all part of the Bonnaroo experience.

3. A Sleeping Bag: The camping experience at Bonnaroo is a pitiful compromise - a parking lot for tents - that does not require your quality camping gear. Leave the $150 insulated The North Face sleeping bag at home in your Rubbermaid container labelled "Camping stuff." It's not worth it. Instead, try using my above suggestion for Stuff you can Sleep in!

4. Fruit and/or Vegetables: Don't make the mistake of packing perishable foods. Looking after them is too time consuming and requires useless, expensive excess things like bags of ice. There are vendors in Bonnaroo who sell food with vegetables and/or fruit in it, so if you really need that natural sugar and vitamins, then go find them! Besides, the mushed-up chickpeas in your Houmous are vegetables!

5. More than Two Outfits: As previously mentioned, you only need two sets of clothes for this trip: one outfit for the road trip there and back, and one outfit for Bonnaroo. Expect your Bonnaroo outfit to be almost unusable after the festival.

6. Bottled Water: It is a veritable sin to waltz in to a bluegrass/folk/rock music festival that takes places in the middle of a cow pasture with a trunk full of non-biodegradable water bottles. Because there is a constant need to stay hydrated, perpetrators of the bottled water sin are often creating the most waste because they're constantly drinking water. Once they get used to the convenience of their disposable water supply, they forget about waste-saving strategies like re-using their water bottles for a day or so. So, many of these water bottles end up in the garbage cans - as opposed to the recycling pile near Centre 'Roo - and all over the cow pasture. By Day 4, it is easy to see that the biggest source of mess and garbage is used bottles of water. And off to the incinerator to produce noxious carbon monoxide they go!

Here are some extra "maybe you should bring these" suggestions for your Bonnaroo road trip experience:

Maybe #1. Camping Chairs: Camping chairs are by no means necessary for Bonnaroo. However, they do add a certain level of comfort to the 4 hours you spend drinking PBR and eating Houmous before 12:00pm! Make sure your camping chairs fold nice and small so you don't sacrifice any PBR Space in your trunk!

Maybe #2. Glow Sticks: Glow Sticks and a trivial layer of trippy enjoyment to any of the late night concerts and shenanigans at Bonnaroo. However, glow sticks do get confiscated at the gates on your way in. So ask your great grandparents for some moonshine smuggling advice in order to avoid losing yours!

Maybe #3. Cash Money: It is, technically, quite easy to enjoy Bonnaroo with absolutely zero money on hand. Sure, there are ATMs if you really need $20 here or there, but if you stick to the SHOULD Bring list and pack enough of the most obvious item - PBR - then you should be able to enjoy your Bonnaroo experience free of extra costs once you've arrived at the event.